she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
