omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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