Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
