Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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