No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
