I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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