Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
