Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
