wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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