White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
