This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
