Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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