So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
