Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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