Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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