Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
