That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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