How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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