ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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