Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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