Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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