Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
