I got chris browned last night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
