Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
