Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
