She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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