Soap is not a condiment
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
