Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ketchup is God's man juice
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
