Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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