I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
