Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
