So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
