What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
