my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
