can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
