I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
