The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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