im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
