She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
