They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
