his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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