He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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