WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
