I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
