I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
