i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
