Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drake has all the answers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
