What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
