i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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