there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
