Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
