i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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