How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize