ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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