marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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