wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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