my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize