I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My hand turned me down
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
