so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
