Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
