If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
