Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
